I Might Break
by Is-Simple
Summary: When he became conscious again the first words he heard was "Please Edward! Can't you see he needs help!...Y-you got to help me... That's... that's not Jacob, not anymore..."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- Edited it some. **

**DISCLAIMER- NO OWN.**

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It was only when Jacob knew that he was alone, that his father and the pack were gone that he allowed himself to cry. He didn't do it often, but he knew that nothing would ever be the same. That he had changed.

He had never really been told how his mother had died, or even when she had died. Every time he'd ask, all he would get was a "You're mother loved you." he held no memories of her, and he could tell that by even just asking that it hurt his father.

Everything changed when he turned 16, when he first shifted, that he got a book and a letter in the mail. The writing itself was rushed and hurried, and... he realized who it was from. He could tell, that it wasn't written to him, or even for him. It was more like something someone would write in a journal... but he could just tell that it was from his mother.

_I wonder what flying would feel like. Not the flying a bird does as it's high in the sky. But the flying you feel as all that air suddenly rushes past you as you fall forward and off a bridge. Will it take your breath away? Will those last few seconds make you feel more alive before you hit the ground below? Will you even have enough time to panic and think "Maybe I shouldn't have done this" Will in those last few moments, would your life flash before you? Will you finally realize that maybe everything wasn't so bad?_

_As I fall will I finally be able to think clearly? Will I think about the family I'm leaving? Or will it only be just a rush of air and then nothing?_

_I'm not stupid enough to take life for granted, but it makes me wonder "If I were gone would anyone care?" I've seen death before. People would cry and mope for a few days then everything would be OK again. They'll be sad for about a year, and then they would have moved on again._

_There is a lot of death, and many of it is pointless._

After that, the page was ripped. But... that little paper changed his life. It made him really start thinking. It was also because of that paper he stopped shifting, that he slowly stopped eating as well.

Suddenly... With that one little piece of ripped paper, his life didn't seem to have meaning.

As shifters, you were born and raised to protect the "Humans" from harm. But... yet they had to keep hidden, and when one of them were found out... Everyone panicked. Everyone goes against them, attacks them, tries killing them. Because, that's what they are _monsters_. For the past month he had looked up all the legends, looked up and the stories and history of the shifters... And it always ended up the same. _Every. Single. Time._

There would be a war, whether it with the humans, or the vampires; the shifters would be the cause. Many would die, everyone would forget, something would happen, another fight would start, more people would die, and even more death.

Even in the book he got in the mail, it explains the reason of apparently why the shifters and vampires hate each other. In this book it explained, that with Adam and Eve.

It said that, while the devil had a part in it as well, it wasn't an apple he placed. But a vampire. It wasn't till Eve had even had 3 of Adam's kids, that the vampire was placed. The vampire, was a male, and as such had that allure that all vampires seem to have. It was then that Eve choose this vampire over Adam.

The vampire and Eve, mated, Eve quickly became pregnant, and after she gave birth... The vampire killed her, drained her of all her blood.

And such as the Devil had done, God had placed a being so alluring that the vampire could only do but watch it. This being was part human and part animal. But this being wasn't limited to just any animal. It could change into anything. Cat, snake, wolf, even a bug if they wanted. And it was for that reason the vampire found this creature so alluring.

But, this creature was even more alluring than the vampire, and had enough wits to know to never get close enough. But as time progressed, Adam's kids all grew, had kids of there own. The vampires desire for the shifter however never changed. Everyday, the vampire would feed on small animals, follow the shifter, and watch as the shifter turned human to wash.

But as time went, the shifter also got curious, and...One thing lead to another, and they had mated as well. It was also said, that since the shifter didn't have a true shape, that it also didn't have a true gender. And soon the vampire and shifter had kids and offspring. But like with Eve... the same thing happened. On one of their nights of crazy passion, the vampire got a sudden lust for blood... And soon drained and killed the shifter.

But unlike what happened with Eve, the vampire hadn't meant to do it. He didn't mean to kill the only thing that had made him happy...

It also explained, that with the shifters blood, the vampire no longer felt a hunger for blood.

And that was it. The story ended. It went on saying that, the shifters took their rightful place as the protectors of the humans, while the vampires... Would always have that same blood lust for the shifters blood. And to this day, the first original vampire was still looking for his reincarnated lover.

Jacob... Just felt lost. Everything he had been told about the vampires... could have been a lie. A well lived lie. There were even worn and written notes that explained, that only the most "Pure" shifters blood could get rid of the vampires hunger. But there had only ever been one real "Original". Even if the vampires had some of the offspring's blood, it never really satisfied the vampires. But instead they would always have a hunger for the shifters blood instead.

And the reason he cried... was because... All those notes written in that book... was the same writing that had been in the letter his mother had sent him.

Jacob knew for a fact that no one else knew of this book, that no one besides him and his mom had ever read it.

And... that ended up making him think more. He lost his appetite, held no more desire to shift, to be in school, to be around people.

And he knew it was bad when his dad actually threaten to take him to the Cullen's to get looked at, but he still held no desire to change anything. He would lie in his bed and think about all he learned, all he was told... In doing so, he ignored all calls from Bella, and all the people from his pack, all his duties. And... he just thought.

God had... given the vampire a choice. Whether to be free of the blood lust... or to forever have it and lose the only thing he ever wanted. But... Why would ... How could a choice have been made? In the end... God had pulled one over the Devil, but he also caused a never ending war.

But why? Why would he do such a thing?

"Jacob... Jacob...? Please open your eyes..." And he slowly did. The blurred figure of his father was in front of him. In the background he saw his pack... "Please don't hate me, please..." There was tears in Billy's eyes he could see, and everyone seemed just as distressed as well "I... didn't know what else to do." When Jacobs eyes finally focused he realized that not only was the pack and his father was there, but everyone else he used to be close to. And in the far back he could even see Bella holding tightly onto Seth.

"Jacob... Please talk to me..." And Jacob turned his eyes back to his father. But even as he opened his mouth... No words would form. It was also then that he realized how hard it was to keep his eyes open. So instead he gave a small smile to his father and mouthed the words "She loved you too..." and his finally surrendered to the darkness.

When he became conscious again the first words he heard was "Please Edward! Can't you see he needs help!...Y-you got to help me... That's... that's not Jacob, not anymore..." And as much as he tried he couldn't get his eyes open, they felt sunken and heavy.

Even as his body felt dead, he couldn't help but question something about Imprinting. It had said that Imprinting was the bodies natural selection on a mate. But... what if... that was it's way to breed them so...that the blood of the "Original" would be purest, that like in the book, it would recreate the original? Maybe... God really did have a plan...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Enjoy? This is also going to be a quit large story. Also, sorry about all the spelling errors.**

**Disclaimer- No own.**

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It had been a week since he had been brought to the Cullen's for help. His father and Bella would visit him often and on special occasions even one of his pack members would visit, thought it had mostly just been Sam. At this point however, Jacob ignored them out of habit, rather then not actually wanting to talk to them.

He seemed to be in a constant daze as of late, which Dr. Cullen had explained to him that they had to drug him so he would be able to keep his food down.

It didn't help.

The daze kept him in a constant dream like state. And as such, he would often have these vivid dreams about him hunting. In these dreams everything would be blurred and in a pale shade of white, almost like there was a heavy fog covering everything from him to the point all he could was slight shadows.

Jacob couldn't remember much of these dreams, then again, he couldn't remember much at all. Everything just seemed to fade into one, just like the hazed out dreams. Sometimes he wasn't even sure if he was even awake.

Bella would come into the room he had been given in the Cullen's house and she'd tell him about how he was improving and how scared she had been when he just suddenly seemed to disappear on her, how he would no longer visit her, or no longer return her calls. And about all the times she visited him, how Billy had told her that he was sick, and would call her when he felt better.

She even told him the story of how his dad had contacted her one time begging for her help.

How the pack had decided that he needed an intervention.

She told him about how scared she had been when Sam had opened his door and Jacob himself had been spread out on his floor, eyes closed and didn't seem to be breathing. About how scared she was when she noticed how pale he was and how his clothes seemed to hang off of his body.

How the only one who didn't panic was his father.

She even told him, how his father had spent an hour trying to get him to wake up. And when that didn't work, how he had calmly asked Bella to call Edward and inform him that him and his family were needed there, and that for the time being that they were allowed to pass.

She also told him how relieved everyone was when, just shortly after the call ended, he finally opened his eyes.

And Jacob listened to all this and compared it to his own version. So many pieces seemed to be missing... So many days had passed and he still couldn't remember anything, just the chatter that seemed to be getting louder and louder inside his head.

He even listened to his dad's version, about how about 2 months, _2 months _ago Jacob had started acting weird. And that for about two weeks Jacob had just suddenly stopped eating. How he just stopped moving.

Jacob even learned from Sam that they all had believed that the reason why he was like that was because Bella had turned him down. That they all seemed to come to the same conclusion that he had imprinted on Bella, and when she rejected him that it broke his heart.

And at that moment, Jacob had wished that it all had been that simple, that it had been a broken heart that had made him this way.

But Jacob knew different...

_He had no reason other then himself to blame._

The Cullen's had given Jacob his own room in their house. As he was told it was so they could "Keep a close eye on you" and frankly, taking a shifter who normal temperature was well over 100 to a hospital wasn't a good idea.

Truthfully, Jacob would be lying if he said it was easy when he actually got up and moved around. He only really left to go to the bathroom. And with how weak and drugged up he was that task was hard itself.

However, if Jacob still felt like himself he probably would never have held tightly onto Emmet as he was brought (dragged) to the bathroom across the hall from his room. Or would he have allowed Jasper to stay in the room with him, just so he could keep focused. Nor would he have used Edward as a translator when it became too hard to talk. And never would he have ever ate any of Esme's food or allowed Alice to go and buy him clothes or for her to brush his hair for him.

But yet, here he was learning against a wall in the Cullen's bathroom as he tried to unbutton his pants to use the toilet, with Emmet just waiting outside the door for him. All together Jacob felt really helpless and confused. The Cullen's, a bunch of vampires, shifters natural enemies, were letting him in their home, were taking care of him, feeding him and clothing him...

On the way out of the bathroom he couldn't help but stop and glance in the mirror over the sink.

What he saw made him sad and feel more tired. His hair was hanging down limply pasted to his chin, and was really stringy looking. His eyes were a reddish color, that looked like he either didn't get enough sleep, or just smoked a whole bag of something. Under his eyes, looked bruised and seemed sunken in and baggy. His nose now seemed to be too large to fit on his face. His lips were chapped and seemed thinner and also seemed to be forever pulled into a frown.

Taking a step back, Jacob pulled his shirt over his head. In the mirror he took his flat stomach, his slight prominent ribs and how thin he really seemed to be. All his muscles, all his well toned body was now left tender and sunken.

He also noted that he really needed a bath.

Closing his eyes, Jacob turned away from the mirror and slowly made his way over to the bath and started it. For he had no real energy to take a shower. Taking off his pants, he decided to leave his boxers on. After all he had been forbidden to lock any doors, and Alice had a bad habit of just walking into a room.

With a soft sigh Jacob realized he must had been lost in his thoughts again, for when he looked at the bath again, it was already half full. Slowly he lowered himself into the water and when he was fully in, he stopped the water. Even though the water had been put on hot, it felt cold to his skin.

Taking a few slow breaths, he pushed himself fully under the water. Jacobs intention had been to get his hair wet so he could wash it, but as soon as he was under, everything seemed to shift on him. The water that felt cold, now felt freezing, and instead of his back being pressed into the bottom of the tub... it felt like he was sinking. And even as he opened his eyes, everything seemed black. Even when he knew he should have been able to see the lights in the bathroom from under the water.

And he even swears he felt fish nibbling on his toes.

The next few second were blurry and hazy for him. But the next thing he knew someone was grabbing him around his waist and hefting him out of the water. And instead feeling the cold title under him, he even swore that it was grass and mud now resting under his waterlogged body.

Lips were pressed firmly to his own and air was being pushed into his lungs. Even as Jacob wanted to get away from the lips, from this person, his own body refused to move, to even budge. Even as he wanted to keep his eyes closed so he didn't have to face one of the Cullen's, his eyes seemed to have other plans and they opened on their own.

And in a few blurred seconds, his eyes were jumping around from one place to another in a quick panicked manner.

"Are you alright?" The voice sounded familiar, but he couldn't place a face to it. Once again his eyes on their own flashed up, straight into the sun and into the shadow of his savior.

"I'm fine." A female voice answered back for him.

"If you're sure..." the voice responded. And then he felt his body being hefted up again, and soon again his body was being lowered, this time in a field.

Lips were once again pressed to him, this time on his stomach, and hands were slowly making their way up his legs. Yet his eyes refused to look at the person kissing him. They focused to the trees and the sky that hovered above them. And as the lips slowly made their way up his body, his eyes closed on their own.

Once again the same lips were pressed to his own. Yet this time his were pressing back. After a few seconds the lips were gone, however he could still feel the hands roaming over his body.

"You really should be more careful. After all..." the voice trailed off as the hands slowly rubbed small circles onto his stomach "Were going to be parents soon..." And in that moment, Jacob was sure if he actually had control of his body his eyes would have snapped opened and a scream would have forced it's way passed his lips.

But he wasn't in control.

Instead his legs parted, his hands were brought above his hand and were grabbing handfuls of hair, and another body was now hovering over his. It was also then that realized somewhere in between drowning and being saved he had lot his boxers, and that the body hovering over him wasn't wearing anything, either.

A very aroused male body.

His legs parted further and raised on their own, even wrapped themselves around the man hovering over him, and pulled the other closer. And then Jacob felt it... Felt something _enter_ him.

A scream left his mouth then, only to have a mouthful of water. Grabbing onto the edges on the tub he quickly sat up. Eyes wide as he choked up the water he had swallowed. He was only half aware there was a voice asking him if he was alright, and the other half was aware that when he didn't answer and kept coughing that the door was being slammed opened.

Still Jacob didn't care. He felt repulsed, disgusted and embarrassed all in one. And he was still having a hard time breathing.

"Jacob? Jacob? Breathe!" Once again he felt himself being hefted up and out of the water. And he couldn't help the sudden panic that set in. He could remember what had happened... He struggled with all his might, only to feel another pair of hand hold him down.

"Emmet, hurry, put him down on the bed! Alice, go get Jasper!" He felt himself being lowered down and away from the body, but the hands never left him. Not even as he kept trashing or even when he got so nauseated that he threw up. All he knew was that he wanted those hands off him... And he soon got his wish as he felt a needle press into his arm, and everything got blurred and dark again. It was only then that the hands left him.

When he awoke again, Jacob still felt nauseated, however this time he also felt dizzy and tired. The good thing being that he had, had a dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- ... Actually, I have nothing to say.**

**DISCLAIMER- NO OWN.

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When he awoke again, Jacob still felt nauseated, however this time he also felt dizzy and tired. The good thing being that he had, had a dreamless sleep.

Jacob didn't need to be a mind reader to know the only reason why Edward was sitting in a chair across the room from him was, that since he had refused to tell anyone what really happened, that they all thought that he would at least think about what happened, and that Edward would be able to hear it, and be able to tell them.

Even Bella looked suspicious of why he was in the room with them. After all, all of the Cullen's liked to give the impression that they couldn't actually hear everything you were saying, definitely if they were in another room.

"So Jacob, you're looking better today!" Jacob had almost opened his mouth and laughed out a _'Oh yea? Maybe I should have tried drowning sooner'_ but realized that wouldn't be the best thing to say. Not to Bella, nor to anyone else. After all, they were all trying to help him.

Instead he listened to her explain why for the past few days why his dad or Sam hadn't came over to visit. Apparently, the Elders were just as Anal as Edward was, he ignored the snort from said person, and like to be in control of everything and they weren't all that fond of their 'One true Alpha' (Not that Jacob was supposed to know this) was living with a bunch of vampires. And his dad was to be speaking on Jacobs behalf.

Not that talking would actually happen. The Elders liked to believe that everyone was just as death as they were, so these 'Meetings' consisted of a lot of screaming. And Jacob was rather glad he didn't have to be there for their screaming match. It always hurt his sensitive ears.

"Jacob...? Are... you OK?" He must have been lost in his thoughts again.

"Peachy-keen" Jacob even managed a small smile, which pulled at his chapped lips. Truthfully, his body felt sore and tense. but he wasn't going to tell her that.

"Hey Bella... can you do me a favor?" He hadn't actually thought about what he was going to ask, but he didn't need to as his mouth moved for him "There is this book... At my house in my room... Could you bring it to me the next time you come to visit me?" He couldn't even meet her eyes... "It's from my mother..." He didn't know why he had the sudden urge to explain things to her...

"Ah!" Bella exclaimed "Yes! I will, it's no problem." Jacob could tell just from her voice that she was excited that he was actually participating in the conversation.

Just for her he decided that he would talk even with his sore throat. "About school?" he left the question as is. And immediately Bella perked right back up.

"Your father had told the school that you have Leukemia and are currently in the hospital. Dr. Cullen **(1)** have even agreed to write you a note to be excused." A small smile lit up his face as he realized Bella was using her 'Edward voice' the voice she always used when speaking (bragging) about the said vampire.

Once again relaxing, he lowered himself into a lay position. That tired feeling was back, but he was determined to stay awake, at least till Bella left.

He focused his gaze to the white ceiling, and imagined it to be a bright sky filled with clouds, a bunch of tree tops making it hard to see the sky, Couldn't help but picture a bunch of birds flying over again, and couldn't help but notice how free they all looked.

And Jacobs body froze as his mothers letters seemed to dance around in his head.

_I wonder what flying would feel like. Not the flying a bird does as it's high in the sky. But the flying -_

Snapping his eyes open he took a quick look of the room. Edward was still sitting in 'his chair', Bella was still rambling on about something. The only real difference was that Esme was now walking into the room with a tray balanced in her arms.

"Ah!" Bella exclaimed "Let me help you with that!" And as she got up... she somehow ended up tripping over the chair, the same chair she had just got up from... No worries, for Edward was there in a instant stopping her from actually hurting herself.

"It's fine really." A laugh left Jacob when he realized Esme only said that because she didn't want all her hard work to end up being spilled all over the floor.

"I'm sorry." Bella blushed as she lifted herself from Edwards arms.

"Ah," Esme turned twords him "You're awake, good. I brought you some soup and something to help you with the nausea." Quietly Esme set the tray on the dresser next to his bed, and sat down in one of the chairs that were in the room.

Jacob felt a little better with Esme in the room with him. The dream... it was still roaming his mind. Luckily it wasn't actual thoughts, it was more like feelings that he had got from the dream. The hands... the lips... even the water filling his lungs. He could still feel it all.

And since his eyes had been closed he hadn't actually seen anything either. So he was certain Edward wouldn't be able to know what was bothering him unless Jacob thought it out in words. (or pictures)

It was then that he started panicking. Edward might have been able to see the dream while it was happening though. Omg... He felt sick again. And even if Edward hadn't seen the dream, Jacob couldn't truthfully tell them what happened either. It would sound something like -

_'Uh... yea... You see... while I was taking a bath, I must haven fallen asleep and had a dream that I was drowning, then was saved, and then I was preforming the act of gay sex. And it had freaked me out so much that I luckily snapped back awake, where it turns out I really was drowning.'_

No way.

With a deep sigh Jacob couldn't help but wish that Jasper was in the room with him as well. He really didn't want these thought, and Jasper's ability would be a great help at a time like this.

"You should eat before it gets cold." Jacobs eyes snapped open again. He must have been lost in thought again, he realized.

"Thank you..." Even with him being here almost two weeks his throat was still sore, not that all the screaming he did yesterday helped him much. Slowly he turned his body to the dresser, he wasn't sure he would be able to keep it down. That dream really did mess with his head... He quickly whipped those thoughts from his head as he eyed Edward.

Grasping the cup in his hands, he slowly brought it to his lips and took a slow drink. It was slightly thick, but it instantly helped his sore throat.

"You know, you gave us all a scare... Had Emmet not been standing outside the door for you, you might have drowned!" Jacob didn't even take the time to tell her that he had woken up on his own, had actually been out of the water before Emmet showed up. And if Emmet hadn't touched him that he would have been fine. "You were panicking! We couldn't take the chance of you hurting yourself so in the end Carlisle had to give you a tranquilizer."

Jacob took another slow slip of his drink as he listened to Esme talk. For it kept his mind away from things he didn't want to think about. He knew at one point he'd have to, but only when he was certain that Edward wouldn't be listening to his thoughts.

"Jasper told us that you were feeling a rush of emotions such as, panic, fear, nausea, disgust, and self hate. And Edward told us ..." At that moment Jacobs mind seemed to freeze "That all you were thinking was _'let go!_' over and over again in your mind." The conversation died at that, but he couldn't be more happy that Esme hadn't asked for him to explain what really happened.

He was even able to drink the chicken broth and actually keep it down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer- Still don't own.**

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"Dr. Cullen?" Even to his own ears, his voice sounded dry and low. And it hurt even more to talk, but he needed to talk to someone.

"Jake? I'm sorry... but the Cullen's are on a _'camping trip'_ and will be back later today." the voice was deep and tense it also held the dry way that older people seemed to have.

"Dad.." Jacobs own groggy voice answered back. Blinking his eyes open Jacob was met with the blurred and weary figure face of his father. Before he could stop it, his mouth opened and all this thought and worries were spilling from his dry lips "Dad... How do you tell all the people you love, that you care for, that you are slowly going insane?"

He could hear his father sharp intake of breath. But he couldn't stop talking even as it hurt his sore throat. "That you think you've finally figured everything out all at once. But then again, with the more you know, the less logic there seems to be. And the more you think about all those things, all the unanswered questions, the more you forget about the here and now. The more you actually have to remember who you are... All you want to do is lay down and ponder all these things..."

Jacob was met with his fathers dry laugh. "Your mother said almost the same thing when she was pregnant with you." Even with being so tired, he could hear the pain in Billy's voice, and see the pain sketched on Billy's face. "Jacob... I never told you how your mother died did I?" Billy's own eyes closed and he rested his face in the middle of his open palms. "Jacob..." Billy started again "When your mother was pregnant with you, she went crazy. She would start talking to herself, and she would always be carrying that damned book around!"

With Billy's slight pause Jacob slowly sat up and asked his own question "A book?" And he couldn't stop thinking about the book he received in the mail. There was just so many questions then actual answers at the moment, and quite frankly Jacob was getting sick and tired with all of this.

"Yes, a book." Was the sharp answer "She always had to carry it around." another dry laugh "She used to tell me that someday that book would hold all the answers in the world."

Before Jacob could stop his mouth, it opened again "She was almost right. I've read that book and it has only brought on more questions then actually answers." His eyes quickly lowered from his fathers startled face.

"How?" And Jacob knew... that there was no turning back.

"I got the book a few days after I shifted." He told his lap "It wasn't till a few months later that I actually opened the book and read it." It had hurt Jacob to try and read that book after he had read her letter... He just couldn't do it. But by not reading it, it brought on more questions on_ 'What if this book actually told me how my mom died? Maybe it would tell me she was still alive, or if she was really dead... Or that if she loved me.'_

But the day Jacob had opened that book... That was the day he lost himself.

Jacob could vividly remember when he finally finished reading it. He had stood up, left his room and headed to the forest and just walking around in a daze, and when walking became to much, he fell to the ground and stared at the darkened sky. Jacob didn't know how long he was there, or even where he was, he just remembered seeing Sam hovering over him asking him if he could stand.

And in the end when standing was too much for him Sam and Embry helped carry him back home. He could even recall hearing them talk, remember seeing their lips move, but no real words were heard by him. And when they finally brought him home, he remembered seeing his dads worried face staring back at him.

But once again his thought were once again taken with the book. And the only time he had been awaken from his thoughts was Billy would bring him his food. But after a while that soon became background noise. It was always the same questions that seemed to roam his head.

_Why did things have to end up that way?_

_Why had God given the vampire such a ... choice to make? Were there other options?_

_Why hadn't Adam been effected by all this?_

_What was the point in bringing the shifter into to all of this, if that was God's only plan for the shifter in the end?_

_If the shifter hadn't mated with Eve or another human, did that mean all shifters... were part Vampire too?_

_Could the shifter change into any creature like the Original?_

_Why had he been sent the book?_

_How did his mom know about all of this?_

The next time he woke up, he suddenly just had enough with everything. Now the more he thought about it, everything seemed ridiculous. One way or another he was going to get answers. He quickly left the house, with no words spoken to his father or his suddenly there sisters.

Jacob had gone back to the same field from the first night and tried to shift. But instead of shifting into his wolf form, he tried shifting into a fox.

When he awoke next he was naked, laying on the grass tightly curled into a U shape, with his legs tightly pulled to his chest. He remembered feeling pain like none he had ever felt before. But the pain didn't seem to go away. It was only then that everything finally crashed onto him. That all he suddenly wanted to do was crawl into some deep dark hole and just lay there.

Sobs left his mouth as he unwrapped his arms from around his legs to over his head and finally let everything loose.

Yet again time seemed to fly right past him, and yet again Sam was standing over him. More questions were asked, none of them had any answers either. Jacob had listened to everything Sam told him, with half his attention. The other half was focused on trying to find out what happened.

He could clearly remember trying to shift, he didn't actually recall shifting. Nor did he recall feeling tired and passing out. But then again, he didn't think he did.

Jacob knew for a fact that he hadn't woken up in the same place, let alone somewhere close to where he had originally been. Even with stumbling or maybe even walking, there was no way even if he had shifted that the pack would have left him alone.

But then it was here that more questions started 'Maybe it wasn't a wolf I shifted into... But I indeed shifted... Or I would still be wearing my clothes... Had I...? Had it really worked?' But then again he didn't had enough energy to try again. Even with all the time that passed his body still hurt.

That had been the first real turning point in his life...

And Jacob realized that he had lost himself in his thoughts again.

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**A/N- Kinda short I know but I got a cat... trying to 'help' me type this out.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N- This chapter is just for fun. =p**

**Disclaimer- Do not own.**

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As much as Jacob hated showing weakness, the Cullen's seemed to realize his sudden unwillingness to be around another male. And since they didn't trust him to be alone in the bathroom anymore, he was now supposed to have a "guard" to watch him at all times.

So here he was sitting in a half filled bath, wearing swimming trunks. Which a small and hyper Alice sitting on the toilet seat talking to him. It was more awkward then anything. But all his requests to bathe alone had been denied.

The only good thing about this seemed to be that Edward was finally gone from the house on a date with Bella. So he would be able to think much clearly and less vague, without worrying about Edward hearing his thoughts.

But then again, with how loud and demanding Alice seemed to be, he highly doubted he'd be able to hear his own thoughts.

Sitting as calmly as he could, Jacob tried to keep his body relaxed. His last experience with the tub... wasn't a really good one.

"You know" Alice's voice broke the silence "I never noticed how big this tub really is. It's big enough to hold at least 3 other people." a pause "Oh! Hold on. Emmet! I'm leaving Jake alone real quick watch him for me k?" And then she was gone.

Taking a long breath Jacob was finally able to relax and think.

That dream... He wasn't even sure he could call it a dream. It felt so real... all of it. He could still feel his bodies willingness to just die... could still feel those hands as they ran all over his skin... He could even remember the feel of the burn on his eye when he had panicked and stared straight into the sun. All of it was too real. It almost felt like...

A memory. Like... he had done all of that before.

But is what confused him the most was the voices. He could clearly recall hearing a male and female voice. But he only ever recalled actually seeing the male, his "Savior" the only real thing he could think of was that... he had been the female in the dream... But-

"TA-DA!" Once again his body tensed as his eyes flashed opened and onto Alice, only to have his whole body freeze on sight of her.

"A-Alice..." Jacobs own voice stuttered out. Alice... had apparently deemed it safe to 'bathe' with him and was in her own swimsuit. A very small 2 piece. He didn't know how to handle this... Should he just get up and run? He could hardly walk, so that was not likely... Should he... scream? That... was such a girly thing to do.

As Alice sunk into the water with him, his body reacted on instincts and shoved himself into one corner.

"Ah..." A sigh "It's been awhile since I've been in a pool with someone else. It's nice isn't it? Oh!I also brought bubbles!" And demonstrating it, she held up a large cartoon shaped bottle and proceeded to dump the whole bottle into the water. Where bubbles instantly started appearing...

And appearing... till the whole bath was filled to the brim with bubbles. He almost wanted to go with her 'pool' idea. But it was rather hard to imagine that with a bunch of bubbles in his view.

Oh god. He was almost naked in a bath with an almost Alice. He wasn't trained for this type of thing! What should he do?

After being in the bath with Alice for awhile, Jacob's body finally decided to relax. After all, he had seen girls in bikinis before, he did live next to a beach.

"You know... When I was still alive... I had been in an asylum? " Alice's whole body relaxed next to him "I don't remember much about it, I can only remember waking up one day as a vampire." Her head lowers down in shame "It feels nice to have someone to talk to, you know? You don't have to keep all this to yourself..."

Jacob just closed his eyes and blocked her out. He knew that. He did. But how would he put everything? How could he tell her that he was like this, just because he got a letter from his mother? That he had never been told how she died? How would he even tell her that in some way or another that him and Alice were related?

That all the fighting that was ever done was for nothing?

That all the questions of 'why' just seem to be slapping him in the face.

That maybe one day, one day, he would end up like his mother. How she tried to come up with all the answers on her own.

That still even after reading the book, that the words written in there still haunted him?

That they never left his mind.

That everything you ever have been told had been a lie?

That suddenly everything seemed insignificant, when faced with the real truth.

That he had to keep all this to himself just to insure that no one else was put through the same pain and confusion he was.

He settled for the lesser "I was never told how my mother died. I'm not even sure if she lived after she gave birth to me. A few days ago, I had received a letter in the mail from her... In this letter... She had talked about flying. I didn't make much sense of it... But... It was from her, you know? I could just tell..." He kept his eyes closed as he realized what he had said was true.

Even though his father had been wanting to tell Jacob what really happened... he had screwed up. He had insisted on learning more about the book, that blasted book. Rather then his own mother. There wasn't enough time to learn all of these things.

Most of all... How could he tell everyone that this whole thing might have just been in his head? After all, if it was one thing he had been told about his mother, it was that she had gone crazy. Maybe... Just maybe that passed onto him as well.

All of these thoughts... there was no way he could prove them. So what if he had a few dreams about it. But then again he's had dreams where Bella would leave Edward for him. It didn't work that way. Things were just not that simple.

There wasn't even a way he could just laugh it off. The proof was there... He just needed to figure out how to connect everything together. Needed more time to think of everything... There just seemed to be one big gape in the information...

Snapping out of his thoughts, he was met with the concerned face of Alice. "I'm fine..." He wasn't. "Which one of these shampoo's smell the least like flowers?" a bottle was handed to him. He didn't really care if it had smelt like flowers. He needed to wash.

He also needed sleep. All this thinking was making his body tired... But he couldn't do that. Today might be the only day he got that Edward wasn't around. He needed to use this wisely.

**A.N- And one have some theories on this that they would like to share?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N- I got extremely excited as I reread what I wrote! (And edited) I did not forget about this story, I just forgot what I had already written. Has anyone ever done that? Where you planned so far ahead, that you forgot what part you actually stopped at? Well, that happened to me. And the fact I have so many stories started up already. Sometimes I get the plots mixed up.**

**Anyways, I have no idea where this story is going. I'm just as clueless as you all are. Except I get to read it first. =p**

**And I'm a little sad. The stories I spend the least amount of time writing, seems to be everyone's favorites. I spent a lot of time on this… And it seems like no one likes it. =O**

**DISCLAIMER- OH NOES! I still do not own! My life is ending! –SOB- Must we do this every chapter?**

**-.**

After the bath Jacob had retreated to his room. All he really wanted to do was sleep, but he had little time that Edward would be away. He needed to use it now. Needed to use this time to finally think about everything he knew... But he needed to sort everything out first.

His mother was dead.

The first vampire was said to be male.

The vampire had killed the shifter and Eve.

Jacob was a shifter.

Jacob was also staying in a house full of vampires.

But other then that... There wasn't much he really knew that happened. There were so many questions... In the book, it had clearly said that the vampire had hunted small animals, and unless it meant kids, he could only assume that it meant the vampire had been a 'vegetarian'? He didn't even know which parent he got his shifter gene from.

There were just so many questions and very few answers. Even fewer logical answers. The only thing he could think of was trying to fall asleep again and having another dream. It seemed that was the only way he was going to get the missing pieces.

And just like that, he let the darkness take over his mind. Let everything just shut down.

It had been a few hours since he had woken up from his sleep. And Jacob just felt... tired.

In the middle of the room the Cullen's had given him, sat his entire pack. Apparently, the elders really didn't like the idea that he was staying here. Even after all the ensuring Sam and his dad did, to tell them that this was for his own good. The elders still refused him to be taken care of by a bunch of 'Leeches'.

Carlisle, was speaking to Sam about how he really should be staying here, where he could be constantly watched. He explained, even as he went to work, and the others went to school, that Esme would be there to watch over him, and to feed him.

While at home, all he had would be his father, whom Jacob was normally the one to taking care of.

And as decided by the elders, as soon as he got home, he was to 'stop pretending to be sick' and to do his duty as a shifter. And since he had missed almost 3 months of scouting, he would have to do a double shift, just so he could pick up the 'slack' the others had made up for him.

They also demanded that he would also being going back to school as well. Which would lead to another 3 months of make-up school work. From the elders own words- "As shifters, we are prideful creatures and couldn't be seen skipping out on such things as an education." Which translated to- As a shifter it was his duty to stop being disrespectful to them and stop lying to them when they already _knew_ the truth.

So as you could see, Jacob had a lot to look forward to. A double shift of Scouting, then maybe 3 hours of sleep, then having to go to school. Where he most likely have a bunch of make up work to do. And Jacob was sure, that he would be spending most of his time actually trying to stay awake, then actually focusing on what was going on in the class.

"What if Jacob was to switch over to our school? We would still be able to watch him, and we'd be able to help him get caught up on his school work." Edward's voice cut through all the other voices filling the room. Jacob was sure that he had been rambling off inside his head; otherwise Edward wouldn't have actually said anything. And he highly doubted Edward did it just because he loved having Jacob in the same house as him.

Jacob could feel the eyes on everyone on him. But what could he say? Anything he could say, no doubt would be turned down, if not by the pack but the elders themselves. After all, apparently this whole thing was his idea of a big joke he was playing on his pack and family. So any request he had made would have been denied anyways.

There... was just much to think about.

He could hardly walk.

He couldn't keep focus.

His body was still in pain.

And yet... It was kind of funny to him though, that everyone thought that he'd just suddenly be able to move around on his own. That after all this, that he would go back to being that same careless Jacob they all knew. It was just like some big lie. One they all seemed to be on. With him being the only one standing outside the line. The only one not getting the picture... that they needed him to be the way he was before.

But he couldn't do that. Couldn't be that same foolish person. The one who would die for the girl of his dreams, even if just for that said girl could live her life happily with the guy of her dreams.

He couldn't be that. He almost had all the answers; he was so close to finally figuring out why things had to be like this. Why so many wars had to happen... why so many... so many had to die. For what? Was he just supposed to act like this was all a hoax and suddenly jump up and out of bed and scream "Ha! You all fell for it! It was all a lie!" and pretend to be how he was before? He couldn't just do that no matter how much he wanted to.

"I would like to speak to the elders." Slowly opening his eyes he focused his eyes on Sam and repeated the request. There was pain in his voice. Even as hash it sounded to his ears, he could still hear it. No doubt everyone else did as well.

"Jacob... They ... most likely won't speak to you. They still don't believe you're... unstable." Unstable. He... was unstable. He could almost laugh at that. He didn't of course. "They have... denied me from letting you see them."

"It's fine. After all... you can't stop something you didn't know was going to happen, right?" All the pack at that moment stared at him. It was a rule to never go against the elders. And even if he wanted, his body wouldn't be able to deny the Alpha's command. But Sam hadn't given him a command. He was only told that he wasn't to see them.

A small smile lit up Sam's face then "Right" he agreed. "So, tomorrow, we'll be taking you home, so be sure that you have everything ready and packed." A slight nod to the Cullen's, he gave the motion that the pack should leave now.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N- Still any good? **

**DISCLAIMER- Do not own! **

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As much as that dream still haunted him, he knew he needed to do this to get stronger, to get better. It was the only thing that anyone could really think of to help him. So it was his only choice to go with it.

Around him were Emmet, Jasper, Edward, Embry and Sam. The plan was for him to shift into wolf form as long as he could. Then Sam and Embry, who were also going to be in wolf form, were both going to sort through his memories and try and find out the reason why he was so unstable.

Jasper was there upon his request. He really needed to be as calm and relaxed as he could, and with Jasper's ability it was possible. If he put too much stain on his body... no one really knew what would happen.

Edward was pretty much there for the same reason as Sam and Embry. So he would be able to see everything they dig up in his mind. And maybe after they were all done, for Edward to speak for Jacob if Jacob himself couldn't.

And Emmet... Emmet was really only there to hold him up.

All of them were waiting for him to shift. He was being held up by Emmet, only in a pair of boxers, that as soon as he changed, were going to rip and leave him ass naked in a field surrounded with five other guys all standing in a circle around him. Well, beside Emmet who was holding him up.

All in all, it looked like a really bad porno was about to start.

A loud sigh left his lips. He knew that just even being in wolf form for a few seconds that he was going to pass out and laying ass naked in a field where part of his pack and enemy were.

Yea.

Taking a deep breath he slowly closed his eyes and focused on shifting. It must have worked because images were flashing around in his head. His mother's letter, the book, the Cullen's, even the first time he remembered waking up in the field with Sam standing over him.

Even as they did all this, he felt that same sinking feeling he felt in the bath. Almost like water was surrounding him and he was slowly sinking into it. It was a light feeling, almost like the ones you get after holding your breath for too long. Even as he opened his eyes all he could see was that same endless black. He could even feel that same burn in his lungs.

The only difference... The arm that saved him the first time never came. The water was filling his lungs, it was hard to breath. Everything seemed to fade the further he sank.

And like the first time... he was smiling. He felt so at peace here, almost like the pain in his neck and chest was never there... Almost like everything he ever wanted was just handed to him. Like... he was dying.

At that thought a panic seemed to finally be settling in, but his body was still relaxed, was still smiling, and was still not moving. It was just then when everything seemed to be shifting around him again that he heard a faint voice sob out an "I'm so sorry! Please, come back! Don't leave me..."

Once again snapping his eyes opened he expected to see the face of the guy from the first time, but all he got was a bunch of blurred faces that seemed to mix into one.

"Jacob?" The voice was small and tentative, he didn't know whose it was, but it didn't matter. Closing his eyes again he curled into himself again as the tears seemed to pour from his face. And he didn't even know why.

Had... that been another dream?

A sudden calm came over him and he welcomed it with opened arms. "What did you see?" his voice seemed to croak out. There was a small pause before Sam answered.

"Not much of anything, you blacked out pretty quickly," another pause "you got a letter from your mother?" it came off more of a question then a statement. Jacob just curled further into himself as his mind seemed to scream a 'Yes' in response.

Which Edward kindly answered for him.

"That day... I found you in the field... From what I could understand from your memories you were out there for over 7 hours." Jacob couldn't really confirm that. He held little memory of what actually happened that day. Yet again Edward spoke his thoughts aloud.

-.

It was only a little later that he finally understood. Everything seemed to just click into place. Before when he asked why God would make the vampire make such a choice... he was wrong. There wasn't a choice to be made.

He realized... that the vampire truly hadn't meant to kill the shifter. The shifter wanted death. Even now he could still feel his body's willingness to just die. The more he thought about it, he could even feel the smile that had been on his face…

The shifter had been so desperate for death so they searched for death in person. But, only to soon find out that no matter how much they tried...Even after years, even when Adam's kids all grew, had kids of their own, did the shifter realize that they would never die. No matter how many of the other animals they provoked... that they would heal, not even a minute later. The pain would never last; the wounds would never stay...

Attempt after attempt they would try to kill themselves. Nothing ever worked.

So... upon hearing stories from Adam's kids, about how the vampire had killed their mother, about how she had been drained of blood. That she had no chance of surviving...

The shifter had set up a plan.

With the wit, and pride they carried, they formed a plan. A plan which in the end would leave them dead. To forever be alone. To _finally_ be free.

It didn't take long for the plan to be set into action. The only flaw... Was being able to carry children. The shifter had taken the form of a man. As such, hoped and firmly believed that they wouldn't get pregnant. That by being male, that they wouldn't be able to breed. Let alone to be able to perform the act.

As you could see, nothing went as plan. Since the shifter had no real form, they also had no real gender. And even if they took the form of a male, they were also still female.

And everything went downhill. Instead of being killed as they hoped, the vampire had fallen in love. It was ironic. The only thing the shifter wanted was death, which they found but never got. And death ended fallen in love, only to give death to the only thing it ever wanted.

**A/N- Anyone getting it? And I really am sorry about not having yaoi, **_**yet**_**. But there will be. Just a few more chapters. (Well, hinted yaoi. (That I'm sure I'm going to lose all my readers because)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N- Can anyone believe I've only every seen the first movie? Yea, and I watched it in theaters. So I'm mostly just B.S-ing my way here. Haven't read the books either. Yeeaaa. So If I messed up on any facts, then oh well. It's a AU anyways. **

**DISCLAIMER- STILL NO OWN.**

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Truthfully Jacob wasn't all that excited to see the elders. But there was no other way around it. The elders wanted him back in the safety of the pack. Which Jacob knew pretty much meant, they didn't want him to spill all their secrets.

And he himself had some things to discuss with them.

The last few days Jacob had actually been trying to stand and walk on his own. If they wanted it to be convincing, he needed to walk on his own. After all, Sam wasn't supposed to know, and the vampires were not allowed on their land. So all he had to rely on was himself.

He would be going against everything they were taught from legends. That the rule of the elders was law. In truth, they held no law. They held no force. Jacob himself had read all the legends. All of them dated way back. Even before the elders were ever born. So what makes them law? Because they know everything? How could they know something they weren't there for?

And when he walked into the elders meeting place he saw them all there talking. At first they didn't even seem to notice him.

"I need to speak with you all." Which got their attention.

"You are not to be here." Instead of listening, he sat in the closest chair and sat down. It only seemed to infuriate them. "You will leave at once!"

So Jacob asked the question "Why?" they all seemed to pause at that. After all, no one had ever gone against them. It took awhile, but in the end they called Sam and the pack. Which was good, everyone needed to hear this.

When Sam did show up he looked a little regretful, but didn't do anything. Everyone seemed to be waiting for him to speak, so he did. "Why?" Yet again the elders didn't seem to have anything to say.

"I ask you once again, why? Why do I have to listen to you? Because you are wise? I bet none of you could even do simplE algebra. So what makes you so great?"

Once again a silence was taken over "As soon as your father hears about this he –"

"He'll what? Get mad? Upset? What about if I were to tell everyone here and now that all of you are nothing but frauds? " One of the elders opened their mouths to speak but he cut them off again "How can you not be? The only power you have here is knowledge! Something that holds no power over us. The legends have been told for centuries. And just because you know them, gives you power?"

By now Jacob was pretty much yelling; his voice was once again harsh and raspy. "All of these legends are written down in books as well. Anyone, whoever wishes it, can go and read them. None of you have ever been a shifter as well. The vampires had only now just started showing up. So what if you have 'knowledge' you do not have experience! So you can't go around bossing us around on something you don't even know about!"

He waited for an answer as he caught his breath. This wasn't what he had planned. Jacob had meant for everything to go slowly. Not for it to end up with him yelling.

"We have more than just knowledge. As you said we may not have experience, but we all have seen things just as great. Are age is what makes us wise."

"It also makes you weak and makes you hold no understanding of newer things. When you were younger, no doubt you were told women were possessions, that they were not equal. Just because someone says things, doesn't make them wise." The elder who was speaking looked a little surprised by Jacob's words.

"I guess you are correct. It seems the more we age the more knowledge we get, but we also get more stubborn. May I ask what has brought this sudden act of aggression on?"

Beside him Sam was tense and seemed like he was either about to run for it, or pass out. Either wasn't all that good of an idea. But he too had heard the anger in the elder's voice. But unlike Sam, he didn't take it as a warning but as a challenge.

"You can, if I can ask a question of my own." It was like dancing, take one step forward, and take two steps back. In the end, all you ended up doing was going in a circle.

"Very well, what is it that you wish to ask?" All the elders seem to nod their heads all at once. No doubt they thought he was once again going to ask them what gave them power. But they were wrong. He held more then that in store.

"First, I believe you wanted an answer, it's only fair to give you an answer before seeking one of my own. I have been reading up on the legends, and in the end, I got more questions instead of answers." Most everyone in the room seemed to freeze. It was a known fact that the legends were in a safe somewhere. One that only the elders held a key to.

"Jacob…" Sam's voice warned. But Jacob already knew what was in store.

"As I read, I realized, that all the stories you've told us, have all been different then what was in the books. And the further back I went. The more I realized the repeating wars. And my question to you is, where do we come from? Shifters, in all the legends I've read, never told. And if you all are wise and knowing as you say you are, then you should know."

Now everyone was tensed. Apparently no one had ever questioned that. Now everyone's eyes were focused on the oldest elder.

"Ah, that is a good question. It never has been mentioned in the books, but it had been rumored that shifters had once come from a wolf who was able to change his shape. Some even suggest that human and wolf mated to form shifters."

" I did not ask about rumors. I asked you where do shifters come from." their eyes locked.

"As I've said, no real answer has been found. All there is, is rumors." there was a challenge. If Jacob hadn't read his mothers journal, he wouldn't have caught it. The elder was lying. He was challenging Jacob to release the truth, to distraught everything shifters had been thought. So he did.

"See, that is where I think you are wrong. There is an older book, one that tells the real story of Adam and Eve." Apparently the elder hadn't thought that Jacob actually knew what he was talking about. But now his posture was tensed and straight. "If you bring up the fact, shifters were only made to protect humans from vampires… Then what do you get?"

It was Seth's voice that interrupted him "I get it… then that also means there had to have been a vampire before a shifter. But then again… Where … how were vampires made?" Everyone's eyes were now connected on Jacob.

"As I said, there is a legend that goes all the way back to Adam and Eve. Instead of an apple, a vampire, a creature so alluring, that Eve was instantly hooked. In the end, Eve was corrupted, no longer a creation of God. But a victim of the Devil. And like that, God sent something to correct what had gone wrong."

By now Sam was standing in front of him "Shifters weren't placed here to protect humans?" Jacob just shook his head no. "We were sent here to distract the vampires?" Again another nod "That can't be true!"

"Sam! Think about it! We always have to hide away! If a human ever found out about us, another war would happen! As much as I hate to say it, the humans fear us! They have movies about us where we are nothing but murderous creatures!"

"But…" Paul's voice seemed to stutter "That couldn't be true. Vampires and shifters hate each other. If what you are insulating… Like Adam and Eve had been a pair… that the vampire and shifter had been one as well?"

And like that, everyone went into a riot.

Everything seemed to swirl in his head. The missing link finally just seemed to piece together. He had never really connected that, like Adam and Eve had been a couple, that maybe the vampire and shifter had been one as well.

After all, even after he had read all of the legends, he was still basing everything off the legends the elders had told. The edited ones.

But even still, things didn't make sense. If the shifter and vampires were mates… why was there a border? Why were the shifter taught that there only purpose had been to protect the humans? In one way he understood it. After all, the shifters had been placed as a way to distract the vampires… But not only were they protecting the humans from vampires, they were killing the vampires as well. What was the point of that if the vampires were meant to be their mates?

"You're awake." And in some part of his mind, Jacob realized he shouldn't have let him mind lose without knowing where Edward had been. The other part was still trying to piece everything together.

"I am." Even thought Jacob saw no real reason as to why, his voice seemed slow and slurred.

"You had been brought back over here by your pack. You had overexerted yourself and passed out. We would have taken you to the hospital, but as your normal body temperature is over 100, that wouldn't have been a good idea."

Even Jacob had to agree to that. It really didn't answer as to why his voice hurt.

"Carlisle is at the hospital, picking up some medicine that will help you." Esme voice was soft as she spoke. She didn't seem to know why he felt bad either, but she was at least trying to help his overacting nerves.

He didn't really have anything to talk about. But he refused to let his mind wonder again. Edward already knew too much. And even if he was slowly piecing everything together, he still didn't trust the vampires. It after all, had been taught to him for years.

**A/N- Next chapter is more B.S-ing my stuff. =/ Sorry for being all slow with the updates... **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N- If you don't mind… But on what? Any spelling errors? This story works off of subliminal messages… So it's no wonder most of you are confused.**

**DISCLAIMER- Don't own.**

When Carlisle had finally showed up, Jacob had already let his mind wonder. The pack already knew. And since it involved the vampires as well, he just let everything go.

It was a known fact, that humans had to be bitten by a vampire to turn into one. But since vampire had been born as vampires, it gave two types.

It must have been the tranquilizer that had made his mouth so loose, because even as he realized he shouldn't be talking, his mouth opened on it's own.

"Dr. Cullen..." he didn't have enough energy to finish what he wanted to say, so he thought it instead. He thought everything out in a slow calculated speech, _'Are you a vampire?'_ the question might have sounded stupid as it left Edwards mouth, but he could tell by the slight widening of Carlisle's eyes that the real question was understood.

"_Are you a pure blood, or were you bitten?"_

"I am" just as Jacobs words and thoughts were calculated so were Carlisle's.

_'Is Esme?'_ Jacob let his eyes move to the blurred figure attached to Carlisle. Esme herself opened her mouth to answer but Carlisle stopped her with his own voice.

"She's not." His voice hesitant but his tone soft but firm.

Just from the burn in his nose, he could tell that rest of the Cullen's were there as well. _'Is anyone else a vampire?'_

"No... not anyone else in this family, I was the one who turned them." yet again the voice was soft, but this time there an added edge to it. "All the Volturi however... are all vampires." There was a warning there. Keeping his eyes on Carlisle's he opened his mouth, and no matter how tired he was or how sore his throat was he forced the words,

"Is the hunt still on?"

"Yes." it was a short answer but it still seemed to take all the air from the room and leave him breathless.

"It will no longer be..." Jacob informed "for I am now here... And I do not plan to leave." The message in those words were for only those who knew the conversation.

Carlisle's eyes widened yet again "_You're_ here?" There was surprise and a question in Carlisle's voice. But Jacob couldn't answer that. Not yet.

He was only taking a guess. There had to be a reason as to why he kept getting the flashes. Why he just seemed to actually connect to the story. Why he seemed to be the only one with answers.

After a short pause and the air uneasy, the small one, Alice, broke the silence "What's... What do you... What's going on?" She finally settled on asking.

Jacob however ignored her. "They will be here. They will kill your family." Even though Esme, Emmet, Rosalie, Jasper, Edward and Alice were all vampires, they were only "Half bloods" they were born human and they would forever be considered weaker to the "True born" vampires.

"Half bloods" were often killed. The Volturi, never needed a reason, but always had one. With the more vampires there were the chance of the "Original" shifter being killed or falling in love with one of the "Half bloods".

If Jacob was found out to be the Original... there would be another war, the never ended cycle would start again. And many, if not all who got in the way would die. And Jacob tried sending that message to Carlisle, that him and his family would be seen as a threat**. **And would be taken care of and killed immediately.

"Hey!" Alice broke the silence again, "What do you mean..." she lowered her voice to a soft whisper "Were not vampires?" Slowly lifting his tired body from the bed and into a sitting position, he met Alice's stare head on.

"When were you turned?" He asked his own question, he however didn't give her time to answer "Have you ever wondered Alice, where vampires came from? Or have you always just figured to never question a good thing?" A slight shift from Carlisle made Jacob turn back to him.

"We have much to talk about... Alone." It was a silent command. Either Carlisle didn't want the others to know, or he planned on updating them later when he could tell them everything first.

"We do... " Jacob agreed, voice lightly husky from the forced talking "But for now, I think I'll just get some sleep." And with that said, he slowly sank back into the bed and let his tired eyes finally rest, and surrounded to the blank darkness that awaited him.

**A/N- As I'm pretty sure, everyone guessed that, huh? But there is still more to come. =p**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N- Kind of gives some answers…**

**You ever notice the stories you want to update you can't find inspiration to write more to it? Well… I'm at that point. But I have a lot more story ideas…  
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**DISCLAIMER- KNOW OWN.**

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When Jacob woke up again, he felt just as terrible as he did when he had feel asleep. It however didn't bother him. It was becoming custom to wake up like this.

Even more, blanks seem to fill his head. Everything had an answer, he had answers… But at the same time, he just haven't figured them out yet.

Jacob wasn't even sure what to ask anymore. It was very clear that the Elders had known the real story and not just the 'Legends' but if none of the books said anything about it… How did they know? Why didn't they want anyone else to know?

This changed everything the shifters believed in! Even now Paul's voice still echoed in his head. How could Jacob not realize that just like Adam and Eve, the Vampire and Shifter had been mates as well?

Even in his dreams, it suggested that the vampire and shifter had… Mated. Even if the shifter themselves had only done it as a way to seek the end.

This was so confusing…

For a fact, shifters were indeed both. Shifter and vampire. He got that. But then that brought more questions…

Like if vampires as said, can't reproduce… Then…? The shifter and vampire obviously had children, Jacob himself was proof. Hell, even the whole Volturi was proof.

How the fuck was he supposed to come up with the answers? Everything lead to a dead end. As much as Jacob hated to admit it… He could no longer keep all this to himself. It was taking a toll on him mentally. A fact proven over and over again as he was still stuck in the Cullen house.

"You know… You could just talk to us." And Jacob didn't even need to open his eyes to realize that Edward was in the room with him.

"I could." His own harsh voice answered back "But… I never wanted anyone to go through the same thing I did." And slowly his eyes opened to face the vampire.

Edward himself seemed just as tired as Jacob himself felt. "A few days ago…" Edward hesitated "Bella brought a book over for you." Slowly Jacob sat up "I read it."

Jacobs eyes slowly fluttered shut just to open seconds later. He couldn't even find it in himself to be angry. Something shifters strived in. "You find any answers?"

A few brief seconds "No… Everything… was scattered, rushed. The only real information I got from it, was your thoughts." And a silence returned.

So he took his time and just let his thoughts rush from his mind. Let Edward hear every thought, every theory that was inside his head. Even showed Edward how it had all started.

"Your… mother wrote the book?" Jacob gave a slow nod. "I think… we should take things slowly. Instead of theories… Lets prove facts." Jacob's brows raised on his face. "You have tried changing into a fox, correct? But then again, that's just a theory."

And Jacob gave a small smile as he realized where Edward was going with it. This whole time… Everything was just that simple. Take steps one at a time or you'll stumble and end up on the bottom where you began.

"Steps… Huh?" And for the first time in days, Jacob wanted to laugh. Everything had been that simple. In the beginning, he had started taking steps, but then the questions over powered everything else. Even his desire to eat, and he became weak.

"I think learning about your mother will give us a better picture on all this."

And that was true. Everything seemed to be surrounded around his mother. She was the one after all, who started all this. But she wasn't alive. And the only thing Jacob knew was that his mother had been 'crazy'. But… What if the thing that made her this way was this?

Even now, Jacob felt very detached from his own body. His mind always seemed to wonder… He was always tired… Was this the same thing that classified his mother as crazy?

"Food… Food would be a nice first step."

For a second Edward looked amused. "I'll make you something to eat, but I want you to call Sam, if we are going to try this, it would be best if your pack was there as well."

And Jacob agreed.

He didn't really know Sam's number, never had a reason to call when you lived not even a five minute walk away. In the end he ended up just calling his father.

"Hello?" The voice on the phone sounded like his father… But sounded too tired to actually be his father.

"Hey dad." He awkwardly greeted back.

And instantly his fathers voice seemed to perk up. "Jacob! It- It's so nice to hear from you. I would have visited… But apparently your little stunt with the elders pissed them off. Sam and the others seemed to also realize the truth in your words and have been hounding the elders about all the lies. I've been stuck playing peace maker, even though I want to punch them as well."

A sigh "How are you Jacob? Bella visited a few times and told me you were getting better. I guess you just calling me is proof of that…" And the tired tone came back.

"I'm fine dad… Starting to put weight back on, even if it is becoming a beer gut." He lightly joked "I feel bad… But I actually called for a favor… I need to speak to the pack in person… If you could… Could you tell them to meet me outside the Cullen house?"

Another sigh "Will do."

"And… dad… can you tell me about mom?"

A long pause was his response. "… I guess I should tell you. Jacob… I guess I was wrong about your mother… She wasn't crazy. All the same things the pack have been telling me, the same things Bella has been telling me… Even the way you had been acting… All remind me of your mom."

And Jacob couldn't hold in the winch when his suspicion was confirmed. The only thing that stopped him from crying was Edward walking in with a plate. Which was sat down and Edward was making a move to leave again.

_Please stay…_

"When I had saw you all sprawled out on floor… It just reminded me of your mother. In the end, she became so weak, always lost in her thoughts… And I never noticed. I always too busy going to work and trying to take care of your sisters… In the end, she had been to weak to survive the birth."

And Jacob winched again. "And… Me and the book was the result?" With a shuttered breathe he asked the one question that was really bugging him… "When… when did she start acting like that?"

And truthfully, Jacob feared the answer. From what his sisters had always told him, was that mom had started acting weird when she found out she was once again pregnant. What… what if he didn't inherent all this from her? But was the one who gave it to her?

And his fear was confirmed "A few days before she found out she was pregnant with you. I… just assumed she had knew and was just hiding it from me. Never questioned it…"

"T-Thank you." He took another shuddered breath "I'll let you go, OK?" At this point… just talking to his father hurt. And don't doubt hurt his father as well.

"I love you Jacob, don't forget that. And get better soon." Even though Billy hadn't said it, there had been a 'come back home alive.' hidden in his words.

"I love you too dad… And I promise."

And like that a dial tone met his ears. The phone was taken from his hand and he was being pulled into a hug. And he needed it. Didn't care if it showed how weak he was, just buried his face into Edwards chest and grabbed handfuls of said mans shirt.

**A/N- Anything going inside your heads? Questions I have yet to touch on?  
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**And WOOHOO for finally getting Edward actually into the story, huh? **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N- Sorry for the long wait.  
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**Also, someone keeps telling me that I keep repeating things... Is it true? And like... in a annoying way? (I have no clue about the plot myself, so I tend to repeat stuff so I can keep focus on the main things, and slowly**** eliminate**** those questions)**

**DISCLAIMER- If I owned Twilight, everyone would be confused... And... gay. **

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It was already about 6 at night, and it just seemed like everything was coming alive. The whole house was buzzing with shifters and vampires. Oddly enough, all getting along. Jacob just felt detached from it all. Everyone had once again been informed on everything, Edward filling them on details and questions that Jacob himself hadn't told them. Last of all... everyone was waiting on him.

As said before, he was once again going to try shifting into something else. And truthfully, Jacob couldn't help but be a little scared about that. Before when he had tried it, it was like the everything just went blank. He had no recollection of what happened. Even if it _did _happen. It was like every time he tried thinking about it, his mind fuzzed, and his vision got blurry.

Mostly why everyone was informed about everything now was because when Sam had found him, he had been in _another state_. He had been confused, dazed and his mind had been in a fragile state.

Since he didn't seem to be in control of his body when it happened, everyone was to be spread about. Edward was to follow him with Sam. Leah who refused to actually be of much help, insisted to stay with the vampires, and keep them updated. Which he wasn't going to question.

Her job, was to pass alone whatever Sam tells her, then shift back to human and inform the others. In an odd way, that was extremely helpful.

The rest of the vampires were surrounding the town, so while in his confusion he didn't stumble into roads. Or an anyway get close enough to be spotted by humans. The shifters, were going to follow him at a safer distance, in case if he once again left the state. So they could once again keep him away from the humans.

He had been washed, fed and dressed. But still he was hesitant. Something the doctor had said not to no ago set something off in his mind... And it seemed to click. It seemed to send an avalanche off inside his brain.

"_Jacob"_

"_Dr. Cullen" he greeted back. _

_The doctor seemed to pause "Jacob... Have you ever thought is to why your body is having such a negative response to the information you have learned?" He voice seemed to lower to a sad solemn tone "Maybe your body doesn't want you to remember."_

That had been the end of the talk. And like all avalanches, things got buried. And no matter how much he tried digging up why that just clicked. He couldn't. The information keep sinking, kept getting out of his reach...

He had never really put much thought on it. Even with all the stress knowing that he was lied to... shouldn't have made him stop eating... Made him refuse to move. On normal he would have been angry. On normal he wouldn't have keep something that huge from everyone. But why did it effect like that?

As wolfs, they were loyal. Sure, they didn't always get along... But to hold such life changing information... Let alone stop shifting all together? As a shifter he was strong and would want to live. Even if he was bleeding, and close to death, his body would have took the pain and survived.

Yet, somehow just information, was able to mentally and physically disable him. Turned that once strong wolf into a harmless puppy. No, he hadn't put much thought into it. He hadn't had any time to think of other things...

As to why he hesitated, something bad felt like it was going to happen. A big cloud seemed to be hovering over his head. And no matter where he went, no matter where he tried hiding... it was fallowing him.

But he was already too deep. Everyone needed answers, he needed the answers... Was it really worth it to chicken out because of a bad feeling?

With a look to the mirror, he tried to find the answers within his eyes. _Panic_, he mused, that was all he saw. His body was slouched, his hair was still wet and was dangling in loose curls around his face. His form wasn't as strong as it once was, but muscles could still be seen... And yet...

The person in the mirror looked nothing like him. While he felt hesitant, the person that stared back at him was slouched so low, it was almost threatening, eyes were panicked. And … He couldn't see that person as himself.

With a final look, he turned around. He wasn't going to let this eat at him. There must have been a reason as to why the Elders would lie. As why they would keep the shifters on a short leash. For the first time, he wasn't going to be lied to. He was going to finally learn the truth...

And he couldn't help but know he was going to regret it.

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**A/N- Not what I expected to write... **

Another note, **if you can't review**, it's because I switched some chapters around. Feel free to review another chapter?


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N- Sorry for taking so long... And I know this chapter doesn't really mesh... Sorry.**

**Disclaimer- No own.**

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With a nod to the others they made there way to the clearing. Even now he felt unstable. All the thoughts were running through his head... And he knew if he didn't get any answers soon, he would end up just like his mom... And that scared him.

His whole life all he wanted to do was get to know her... And... Now at the moment he wished he didn't. Maybe in the end everything did make her crazy... Not to mention, Vampires only started showing up, so no doubt that's why no one really believed her... Up till now, everything had been 'just legends' Everything was still so confusing... Jacob knew for a fact that his father was the one with the shifter jeans... but then how could his mom know that?

And if she had told people, the elders... would surely have known about it. But... why wouldn't they have believed it? It had always been a rule to never tell someone not from the tribe. And since shifters hadn't actually been around when she married to his dad, she had no right to know...

It all fucked with his head. What else had the elders been hiding?

After that last thought, he once again met Edwards eyes. A swift nod. And for once in his life, he willed his thoughts away. "I don't know what to change into..." He added a little ashamed... "Any requests?"

Not even a second later "A cheetah!" Seth's overzealous answered "What! Have you ever seen a cheetah in real life?" A light bickering broke out then. But all Jacob did was close his eyes and focus on was 'Cheetah'. And like that, the burning sensation was back, loud popping sounds were heard, and then... the dreading falling sensation was back.

He could tell he was once again in a memory. The wind was swirling around him in a teasing manor, and for the first time ever, he heard the sound of the planet, the soft white noise that seemed to echo from it. Everything was peaceful. All the pain was gone... All the thoughts... Everything felt... surreal. It was beautiful, sacred, and scary at the same time.

A laugh sounded from behind him, but he didn't question it. All he could do was close his eyes and let the sounds of the world talk to him. Another laugh broke out from behind his "You know, I sometimes envy that you can fly." And like that, he was speeding down words.

"Jacob, Jacob?"And then it all abruptly ended like that. Everything seemed to rush at him together. The pain, the memories from before was back, and he was only somewhat aware that he was once again laying in a field.

Everything seemed to swirl around his head and pound with an angry force._ 'What happened?'_ He realized his voice failed to vocalize it. He got a response anyways.

"After you had shifted... you bolted. Sam wasn't able to keep up with you... You ran all the way to Carlisle's end of the border, when he tried to stop you, you bolted the other direction... " It was then that things seemed to crash more "You tried... killing yourself Jacob... You were fast Jacob... You took flight... I almost even able to keep up with you..." Then another realization hit him, it wasn't grass he was laying on., it was Edward. And even though he knew he should have been ashamed, all he could do was hold the man close to him wide eyed.

Crying, it felt like the first time he had ever cried. He was scared, its not everyday you woke up from a peaceful dreaming only to find out that you tried to kill yourself... After a few more minutes of shocked crying his mind seemed to work again.

If it was one thing Jacob knew from all this, it was that the only time he ever really got answers was when he read the books, or when was in near death experiences. And as much as he hated it... He wasn't getting any more answers from the book, not even from his mothers notes...

That left only one other choice... He hugged Edward tighter as he heart seemed to sink.

"Jacob..." Edward's voice spoke of a warning.

"I-I need to do this... I need to get this over with, if this last much longer... I don't think I'll be _me_ anymore. This has been eating at me. It had the ability to cripple my mental and physical state." A push from Edwards chest "That's not normal! And I'm sure you can even tell how weak my mental state is becoming... While I'm still _me_... I'd like to do this...?" Even as Jacob said it, he could feel the fatigue setting in.

"Jacob, no one will go along with that. You're friends and family almost lost you once to this already! You can't seriously be thinking of doing that!"

"Edward... I ... I never said I was going to tell any one about this..."

"Jaco-"

"It's a known fact that a vampires venom can't kill a shifter, Edward. The worst it can do is knock a shifter out for a few minutes or so, depending on how much blood is taken."

"Jacob-" Edward was once cut off again.

"And it is a proven fact that Shifters blood is the nasality, most foulest thing ever for a vampire. You won't kill me. If you couldn't kill Bella when her blood attracted you, then I doubt my Fowl smelling blood will get me killed."

But even then, He wasn't expecting Edward to bite him.

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**A/N- Uh... surprise? I might edit this more... But... It's been really hard to write at the moment... Sorry for taking so long, and sorry for this chapter being so... crappy? **


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N- I know it's been a long time, sorry about that. I hope this clears everything up. Suggest listening to**

**30 Seconds To Mars- Hurricane **

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**Disclaimer- Not own.**

As Edwards fangs pierced his neck, everything seemed to get painfully bright, and an orgasm seemed to be ripped from his body, and all he could do was arch his body as he tried to chase it.

A hand swiftly wrapped around his hip and he was impaled harder and faster onto the source of pleasure. A moan was torn from his throat as yet again fangs pierced his throat. He tensed as his nails scratched down his lovers back, trying to return some of his lovers pain.

And somewhere Jacob knew he should feel disgusted, should be ashamed that he was once again in another sex memory, but all he could do was let the body above him thrust into him, pull him into orgasm.

But as his body was taken with another orgasm, his lovers fangs never left his throat, and at that moment, orgasm was forgotten as a different type of bliss filled him. And somehow he felt complete... And his body smiled as it sunk into darkness.

-.

Jacob had once again ended up in the Cullen's house. He couldn't really remember much, just the pain that seemed to burn his whole body. Jacob remembered how it had started in his neck, where it slithered inside his brain, and seemed to explode behind his eyelids. Then he remembered how everything was soft, slow … a rhythm. His body was pulsing to the beat of his heart.

It was unlike his other dreams. There was no breeze, no sunlight, not even a sound could be heard. And unlike the other dreams... he didn't feel at peace. He felt confined in his own body. Trapped. The pulsing only brought more cold to his body. And he remembered how couldn't help wondering if he was dying.

But before he was able to continue his train of thought, Carlisle walked into the room, closing the door genitally behind him.

"What you did was stupid Jacob." The doctors voice was harsh, but the doctor wouldn't meet his eyes "You have to think what this is doing to everyone else as well. Why can't you let things be dropped?"

And Jacob couldn't help but feel a little regret at Carlisle's words... Not only had his world been turned upside down... He had made everyone else's as well. "I just wanted to find out the truth..." He answered truthfully.

The doctor let out a huge sigh,"I was the one who sent the book to you..." Carlisle's voice broke Jacobs current train of thought. At that moment, everything seemed to crash and pile up into a jumble of half thoughts.

"What? But why?" Jacob's voice cracked as he asked the question with a low tone of voice, "All it's done is bring me pain!" He could feel the tears coming to his eyes, but he refused to let them. His mind wasn't even working, all he could do was let his anger control what he said. "And you were just angry that I brought everyone else in on it!"

Carlisle took a long sigh before he took a quick look to the ground before meeting Jacobs eyes, "Jacob... there is a lot of things you don't understand. That no one really understands, ok?" a brief silence "I didn't send you that book to hurt you...or anyone else" And with that Carlisle explained every thing to Jacob.

How that the book had once been Jacobs moms, and the same things had happened to her. She started getting strange flashbacks... And would dream about a man so alluring and a world so beautiful... That she would wake up hating the world. And like him, she had been able to shift into any animal she so wished.

But the thing was, she had no shifter blood of her own. Carlisle explained, how he had found her, she had been at a local store in a white dress when they met. Her eyes had lit up... And they both had thought they had found their one true love...

He told how it had all been a lie. She had been 2 months pregnant with Jacob. And that mistake almost cost her, her and her unborn sons life.

"Ever since she could shift...she had a dream to fly." Jacob interjected...

And Carlisle nodded..."When we found out about you Jacob we both had been scared. No one in your village knew your mom could shift...and even though we both wanted to run away, she still loved your father, and she knew that you would be a great shifter like your dad was." Another long pause, "But she knew after she gave birth...she could no longer shift. It was something we were both scared about...she must have figured it out before me...she started acting weird, really weird before you were born, Jacob..."

And all Jacob could do was wrap his hand tightly around his mouth. He didn't know if he wanted to vomit or scream. So he just settled with wrapping his other arm around his stomach.

"Don't get me wrong Jacob, that book was never meant to hurt you...it was to help you. Your mom wanted you to have it. I tried to stop her Jacob, tried telling her, that if she just ate more, and slept, that she could be the one to tell you...but she didn't want to be jealous of her own child..."

_'I'm his mate, the reincarnation of the first shifter?'_ was the only words floating around in his head. But it all seemed to click... Carlisle was the only vampire who could stand the smell of blood... And Carlisle was also one of the oldest..._was_ the oldest vampire alive...

"But how...?" Jacobs voice finally broke, "I mean...if you no longer craved human blood...why are there so many vampires now?"

Carlisle seemed to sadden at that. "You forgot about Eve..." Another deep sigh "Aro, the leader of the Volturi, is the son of Eve and I...as you thought, all shifters are part vampire, which is why most can only change to one form. Others can but just haven't tried."

Jacobs head seemed to spin. Everything was so confusing...so fucked up. "I... have so many questions...I just don't know... I don't know what to ask." His voice shook as he wiped a stay tear from his face "Why...why did you kill the first Shifter, your mate?"

A long sigh..."Jacob... not all of that book is true, the book I sent you never said anything about your- about the shifter wanting to die. I only sent you the one your mom wrote, about the Vampire being the apple... And the Shifter's accidental death."

Jacob had to pause and think about that. Everything was still so confusing, even after getting the answers he so much wanted.

"Just the Elders books said that I killed her...but Jacob, I was not the one to kill her. She was my mate. And as you told Edward, vampires venom can only knock a Shifter out, not kill. I could never hurt her... just as a Shifter could never hurt their imprints." Carlisle rubbed his eyes as if tired.

"I- I did still drink her blood, but it was offered, as a symbol of trust...I had drank a little much that time, and when she passed out, I got sad, and scared. I had ran to try and find help...but when I got back, she was already awake..." He drew a deep breath, "This happened more then once on her request...but one time, when I had came back...he closed his eyes in pain, "When I got back...the snake had been wrapped around her. Killing her. I tried all I could do... But she had long since been dead."

And for the first time ever, Jacob saw a vampire cry.

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**A/N- Some fucked up shit huh?**


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